It Is Ok To Be Confused

God hasn't spared anytime working in my heart and when I think back to how I prayed before the trip- He is answering.  

I was very frustrated yesterday, almost to the point of tears. I felt down here "plans" of how this was going to start weren't happening at all. That was a difficult way to start this trip but I am glad it happened because my the eyes to my heart needed to be opened.

When Jenn got home, David, Ashley, Jenn, and I were chilling in the room just small talking when I saw this book out of the corner of my eye sitting underneath a box. I had been in prayer and the Word for about an hour of the day so my heart was soft and the fact this book stuck out to me- I had to grab it.

The first paragraph of the book gave me chills.

I kept reading.

The book is titled "Growing Souls: Experiments in Contemplative Youth Ministry"... and so far has given a lot of attention to love and listening in relationships- and that is how young ones (well anyone) will learn from your life. 

Another specific paragraph really stuck out to me and I know it was God answering my prayer of anxiety and stressed life right now.

Here is the paragraph:

It would be so much easier if God invited us to accomplish a mission statement rather than       enter into a relationship. It's deeply unsettling to discover  God who seeks a mutual friends-     ship rather than our subservient service (John 15:15). The first disciples knew that is was not     always easy to be in relationship with Jesus. When we understand Christianity as relationship, our lives mirror those of the disciples; we misunderstand, we doubt, we feel inadequate, we aren't certain where things are headed, we often feel confused and unsure about the future. If this was the experience of those closet to Jesus, why should we assume our experience of the Christian life would be any less ambiguous? In response to the disciples' misinterpretations and doubts, Jesus continually told them to "listen." Again and again Jesus told his friends and followers to turn their attention away from their own fears and plans in order to focus on what he was saying to doing- even when his parables were difficult to decipher even when his teachings seemed impossible, even when his actions seemed to ruin the hopes and dreams of his followers.

When I read that I was content. I truly believed this was an answer to the prayer of my heart that day. I was so confused about the plans. So distraught about what was going to happen. I couldn't get a hold of anyone and it seemed like the day was wasted away.

Until I woke up this morning. Got a hold of Ana. Am going to go to some work with Jenn possibly. And got a message back on facebook from a major connection I can work with..

Wake up in the morning with a smile and forget the days past because the Lord is ready for your service...

and that just might be listening.