finding Truth, experiencing Grace, expressing Love

The Luxury of Being Uncomfortable

2009-02-19T20:07:00.000-08:00

I'd like to start this blog with a quote a good friend gave me to reflect on.

"You have comfort. You don't have luxury. And don't tell me that money plays a part. The luxury I advocate has nothing to do with money. It cannot be bought. It is a reward of those who have no fear of discomfort."
- Jean Cocteau

So, those fearing the uncomfortable always live in comfort, not luxury? Luxury of life is the reward for not fearing the uncomfortable.

The difference between living life comfortably and luxuriously- is to fear or not to fear.

What I notice is when I choose to live in comfort- I am very uncomfortable.

When I choose to live in luxury- I sense I am taken care of.

You could say that living by faith therefore...

is a life of luxury.

What are you feeling?

Worry... Stress... Anxiety..

or..

Peace... Kindness... and Love.

Will you choose to be uncomfortable?

Will you choose a life of luxury?

Your life is answering it now.

T.I.H: This Is Honduras (v.1)

2009-01-30T19:38:00.000-08:00

Today was in the books to be hectic. Jenn and I were supposed to meat Dr. Larios in the morning, Ashley going back to Casa de Esperanza, and the kids off of school (which was actually a miscommunication and they had school).

This is Honduras.

I woke up on the couch around 8am with all the boys up. Mario and I slept on the couch. He is so cute- he didn't want to go to his bed- he wanted to go where I was. We stayed up till about midnight (shh.. he goes to bed at 8). He loved watching a video of on my phone of my dog playing frisbee with me. He kept saying he wanted a dog. I showed him friends on my facebook then we talked about chicks, guitars, and listened to some music...

You know... stuff hombres do.

Jenn and I went to the market before we headed over to Dr. Larios' house. The market was such a cool experience. Local farmers and merchants bring their goods to the centro. You just park, walk, and shop. When we were finished, we walked back to the truck only to notice someone had blocked us in. We could not move in any direction more than a foot. So what else to you do other than wait....

it ended up being about 20 minutes to the fella decided to finish shopping. (hey- it could have been worse)

This is Honduras.

Then we headed to Dr. Larios' house- there I meant her and talked to her about upcoming trips she is planning and how she could use me. We talked for about an hour and I received a lot of good news for my plans to stay down here.

Dr. Larios is an amazing woman and wonderful lady. She is truly unique in the way she welcomes you with all of her heart by being so welcoming and kind, remarkable.

This is Honduras.

Back to the car with Jenn.

We were headed this time to Cadena de Amor (chain of love). We got a quick lunch on the way- Quiznos. I need to comment on the traffic here, or maybe today. Ugh! It sucked! In L.A. in 2006 I went 15 miles in 45 minutes and I thought that was bad... Today I went 5 miles in 40 minutes in downtown Tegucigalpa and it was horrendous! There was accidents, police, stalled semi on entrance ramps across both lanes... Ah!!!

This is absolutely Honduras.

oh... and we also got in an accident... but I'm fine.

Jenn dropped me off at Cadena de Amor and there I meant Octavio. A great guy who I'll probably being seeing more of now. We sat upstairs and took care of some paper work then talked about chicks, guitars, and listened to some music

You know... stuff hombres do.

I was supposed to go over to Cadena to help unload a truck for the following days moving truck at 3...then..5...then...7... then....

You guessed it.

This is Honduras- and the truck never came.

So there ya go.. my day in a few paragraphs. I usually don't write like that but today was such a day I had to thank God I am not impatient in things I can't control- like traffic, buses, cargo, or most importantly...

people.

On a deeper note I want to tell you all what I'll be up to for the next ten days or so.

Dr. Larios ended up hooking me up with two teams to go with. One to Zambrano, Honduras and one to Opimuca, Honduras. Both villages are very poor towns with yearly, yes yearly, incomes of $720 and $240 dollars, respectively.

Dr. Larios informed me she wants me to take lots of pictures for Medical Teams International and blog on their site about the trip! You all want to know an answered prayer- that is one. I was praying for something to do for God I would truly enjoy and meanwhile she was praying for someone to step in and take care of this for her.

God hears.

and delivers.

I do have one thing to mention though... The whole team going to Opimuca is from Michigan...

so I don't know if we'll be able to talk about God on that trip...

at least I will be able to be a light.

Well after those two trips I am headed for Roatan, Honduras with Ana and her family. If you have never heard of Roatan, I suggest you go to Google images in the near future. I'll be there till Sunday on Valentine's Day weekend and despite the eight hour bus ride and two hour boat ride to the island; it will be worth it.

After all...

This is Honduras.

It Is Ok To Be Confused

2009-01-28T09:44:00.000-08:00

God hasn't spared anytime working in my heart and when I think back to how I prayed before the trip- He is answering.

I was very frustrated yesterday, almost to the point of tears. I felt down here "plans" of how this was going to start weren't happening at all. That was a difficult way to start this trip but I am glad it happened because my the eyes to my heart needed to be opened.

When Jenn got home, David, Ashley, Jenn, and I were chilling in the room just small talking when I saw this book out of the corner of my eye sitting underneath a box. I had been in prayer and the Word for about an hour of the day so my heart was soft and the fact this book stuck out to me- I had to grab it.

The first paragraph of the book gave me chills.

I kept reading.

The book is titled "Growing Souls: Experiments in Contemplative Youth Ministry"... and so far has given a lot of attention to love and listening in relationships- and that is how young ones (well anyone) will learn from your life.

Another specific paragraph really stuck out to me and I know it was God answering my prayer of anxiety and stressed life right now.

Here is the paragraph:

It would be so much easier if God invited us to accomplish a mission statement rather than enter into a relationship. It's deeply unsettling to discover God who seeks a mutual friends- ship rather than our subservient service (John 15:15). The first disciples knew that is was not always easy to be in relationship with Jesus. When we understand Christianity as relationship, our lives mirror those of the disciples; we misunderstand, we doubt, we feel inadequate, we aren't certain where things are headed, we often feel confused and unsure about the future. If this was the experience of those closet to Jesus, why should we assume our experience of the Christian life would be any less ambiguous? In response to the disciples' misinterpretations and doubts, Jesus continually told them to "listen." Again and again Jesus told his friends and followers to turn their attention away from their own fears and plans in order to focus on what he was saying to doing- even when his parables were difficult to decipher even when his teachings seemed impossible, even when his actions seemed to ruin the hopes and dreams of his followers.

When I read that I was content. I truly believed this was an answer to the prayer of my heart that day. I was so confused about the plans. So distraught about what was going to happen. I couldn't get a hold of anyone and it seemed like the day was wasted away.

Until I woke up this morning. Got a hold of Ana. Am going to go to some work with Jenn possibly. And got a message back on facebook from a major connection I can work with..

Wake up in the morning with a smile and forget the days past because the Lord is ready for your service...

and that just might be listening.

Estimated Time of Departure: Seis y Medio Horas.

2009-01-25T14:28:00.000-08:00

Here it is... The eve of my departure for Honduras.

To say the least I am nervous. Yet I don't know why. I still have this ache in my heart that I'm not good enough to be doing this service for God, but then again I'm being used to break the norm of your stereotypical "Christian" and starting to become a "Christ Follower".

I thought about that the other day then my pastor used it in his sermon oddly enough. The thought that we need to stop being Christians and start being Christ Followers. That thought may be considered a bit post modern...which is weird, because shouldn't Christian just be THE adjective to describe a Christ Follower? (maybe i'll write a book on that)

Ok..back on track.

Well, I really feel God just going to use me to make real changes because everytime I get nervous or scared He reminds me in His plans it is all good.

He is still there. No matter how bad or sinful I think I am.

He IS still there.

I am going to be honest and say I didn't really have a real plan to get from the bus stop in Tegucigalpa to ... well..anywhere. (my parents might kill me if they read that). I was seriously trusting God to provide... I did as much as I could to get me that far... He needed to finish the travel plans.

Well wouldn't you know it, He delivered.

I just happened to log back into facebook an hour ago for no other reason (besides the fact I might be addicted)... just to be instant messaged by Jenn Wright..the woman the team initially stayed with in Tegucigalpa in December and found out I have a place to stay on Monday night- oh...

and a ride from the bus station.

So yet again... I look to the sky.. smile at this blessing and say Thank you....

He must know what He is doing.

A Transparent Prayer

2009-01-16T15:36:00.000-08:00

I've been really self-indulged lately. It is bugging me. I sat down and just asked God to let me write the prayer of my heart condition at that moment.

Here is what I got.

God,

I hate the fact I'm not relying on you. Or if I am I feel like crap because I don't deserve your help.

Why do I still think that whether I am doing or not doing certain things effects your love and grace towards me.

No.

I know it doesn't.

But not being a most cleansed "temple" for my God to let His spirit rest in does make me stress. Really, I don't know if it's the money crap or the relationship crap or just the fact I am not relying on you and obeying you that creates this mess inside me.

I need cleaned.

Amen.

Unexpected.

2009-01-07T18:02:00.000-08:00

I feel the unexpected.
The unexpected rush of time.
The unexpected friends who left you by the wayside.
The unexpected surprise.
The unexpected straying from His path.
The unexpected lonliness.
The unexpected guilt.

The unexpected is known by it being felt.

Let's ride this unexpected train...or pause for a second.

and remember now.

The undeserved love.
The undeserved grace.
The undeserved forgiveness that takes place.
The undeserved death.
The undeserved tomb.
The undeserved rising again.

I choose to remember.

the unexpected is just a term we use to describe things going against the way we would choose. Whether it be a divorce, a death, a different school, or different friends....

a different church...

different plans.

Don't forget though. Choose to remember. The unexpected and undeserved is the one thing that saved us from our sin.

*I encourage you all to follow this link and listen to this song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAVHeVDML5k

An Attempt at Comic Relief

2008-12-24T19:12:00.000-08:00

As a team in Tegucigalpa we headed to Hospital Escuela, or the free hospital. It was your typical hospital scene in the sense of doctors and nurses running around, the lovely smells, and a woman and her child walking up to you asking for ten dollars in the lobby.

I had little Mario with me. He is one of the five brothers we had with us and is one of the cutest kids I've ever seen. Mario tugged on my arm and said he had to go to the bano ironically so did I.

So I found Ashley, our group leader, and asked her where I could find a bathroom. She gave me a random point so I started in that direction. Her point led me to some other ward- so the help desk Mario and I go.

Mario asked for us where the bathroom was and yet again we were answered with a point.

Off we went.

I couldn't read any of the signs in this place because the words were so different and unrecognizable. (Didn't I study "words to be found in a hospital" in Spanish III?) Anyways, I finally see the palabra "Damas." I recognize this word as a term for woman and I peek inside the already opened door to confirm that yes it is a woman's bathroom.

No luck for us Hombres.

Mario is literally going to pee himself I think. As he starts doing that hop and grab thing little kids do when they "really gotta go."

I decide to find Ashley.

Ashley was with some other children singing so I come in mid song and ask her where the bathroom is again. I told her I found the Damas and she said "Just go use it. Noone in here cares if you use the girls bathroom."

Um-hmm.

To the Bano de Damas we go.

I was nervous. This may have been the first time I conscientiously walked into a ladies bathroom.

The time has come. I walk in.

And immediately realize none of the stalls have doors. (searching for words to describe thoughts....)

Awkward. Confusing. Finally hit me I was in Honduras.

Let's not forget little Mario is still by my side.

Not ten seconds am I in this foreign place (a pun?) and I am grabbed by who I think was a mother. (pause for visual from mother's perspective- naive white American boy who doesn't speak Spanish well walking into the first bathroom he sees with probably her daughter in the bathroom...play) She quickly pulls me out and starts saying "No, no, no, no, no...(and on)." Shaking her finger. I am glad "no" is an universal word.

I then proceeded to fill my stereotype of myself to her by asking her where the "damOs" bathroom was. (for the spanish impaired- there is no such thing as damos...i just attempted to make damas a masculine word by adding an O and hoping for the best.) My best was not enough as it turns out there is no such word. The woman chuckled. Now I know why.

In the end the kind, motherly woman led me and my tag along amigo to our bathroom- the one without a sign- right around the hall- about 20 feet away. We did our business and walked again, tall and proud men, Mario and I.

When looking for a bathroom in Honduras, and you're male, the word your looking for is "caballeros."

Aliens Do Exist, But Not on Spaceships

2008-12-19T21:09:00.000-08:00

Who is wrong? What is right? What is human? Who is the Alien?

En la pasada semana, I have been wrestling with these questions, along with many others on my trip. I have seen many things from dirty street kids who smelled like poop to weathly businessmen in the first class drinking away their Skyy Blue. So who is wrong-the niave and selfish businessmen or the unsanitized child? Someone must be...right?

Right?

I handed shampoo to a kid who was begging and begging me down the calle and finally I gave the shampoo to him. Immediately he turned to his mama on the hill and shouted from his little body " MAMI MAMI- THEY GAVE US SHAMPOO." Who is wrong? Me, the one looking for a reason to give shampoo to the ninos not begging, or the boy, the one who just wanted shampoo and the only way he was going to get it was to beg and beg and beg?

Wrong?

To be human and selfish in want, and human and beg for need seem to come naturally to us.

What would you do? Who are you?

Anthony does what is right. Billy Graham does what is right.

Where True love Lies, Divine Love Lives.

There they are. There we are.

Aliens to this world.

"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."
- 1 Corinthians 13:13.

Jesus Christ was right. Jesus Christ was an alien.

Finding the Needle in a City Dump

2008-12-16T21:48:00.000-08:00

One of my continuous prayers is that the Lord always set my eyes to those who are weak, broken, and need something in life to have faith in because everything else has let them down. I ask for the eyes of God in this world. Today I received an answered prayer.

I am currently in my third day in Tegucigalpa, Honduras with my friends doing numerous service projects. Whether it be building houses, feeding the poor, giving out ropa, or just loving on some beautiful people; I feel like we're doing it all- and I'm loving it.

Today we set out for the city dump. Approximately 1200 people are living here. Men, women, children, aunts, uncles, babies, abuelas y (pronounced eee) abuelos; they are all there. This place is the definition of homeless. The dump is their bed, their bathroom, their shelter.

Humbling. Broken. Questions.

I was one of the men who passed out food from the back of the truck today. Preparing for this task was tough. Don't get me wrong I enjoy service projects as much as the next team member here but I will admit I'd rather be listening to people's lives, philosophizing, or sleeping. I just don't like the fact of doing something for someone and not being able to build a relationship beyond hola y hasta luego.

I prayed for our group before the trip for divine appointments.

So the truck was surrounded with the homeless grabbing at our food in the back of the truck and it was heartbreaking. My legs started to shake. Literally yelling fila, fila! for them to get back in the line telling them to back up from the truck- it was heart wrenching. Pause for visual.

A man approached me con su amigo and just leaned against the bus. He had his food and refused more when I told him to take more water. Refused. This opened my heart. Why would this homeless man in 90 degree weather refuse mas agua? He told me to give it to the boy begging beside him. The boy who had three waters, a PB and J, and a banana in his hand- this man told me to give that boy more and refused more for himself. This man has nothing. Nothing. NOTHING.

I am interested now.

He was wearing a cross necklace made out of wood. I asked him if he knew Jesus- he said yes and we smiled. He gave me his name ("Anthony"), and then told me he liked the verse on the back of our team shirts. Oh yea, this man also spoke English- well. Which is good and from God because I couldn't have communicated all of this totally in Spanish.

Divine.

I asked him to read the verse word for word in English from our shirts- he nailed it. I asked him if he had a Bible- he said no. I knew what I had to do because there was a reason I met this man, this man who in a crowd of 1200 homeless hondurans- spoke and read English. I went to the bus, grabbed my Bible and handed it to him. His eyed swelled with tears. I showed him words in rojo- the words in red that Jesus spoke and told him to read it every day. He said he would read every night. The Holy Spirit wasn't done just yet. I told him he had to share; that he has to talk about Jesus with these people.

My turn to cry.

Thankyou Lord. For your loving self and spirit.

The conversation with Anthony moved me. The spirit was moving and I allowed it- Anthony received it. I don't know entirely why, or can't entirely comprehend why God still uses me to do His work. I fail every day. Every hour. I failed on the bus to the dump. And doubted His power when I saw for myself the over thousand homeless. Yet...He still moved. He still used me. He can and will use you. Soften your hearts to hear Him. He won't dissapoint. I promise. I am living proof.

His name is Anthony. Pray for him.